This is an area I dedicate to posting my thoughts on life, my individual journey and how I see things from time to time. I share my thoughts so those of you who visit here might benefit in some small way from my own experiences, just as I have learned so much by reading and listening to others who share with me. I continue to change, to develop who I am and how to get the most out of life. Some of it is very personal, and some of it I am sure will be ramblings of nothingness, but it is what it is, or what it will be. Ha! What the heck does that mean? Well, here goes.
Tuesday, 7/17 - So, I said to myself and out loud, I look forward to spending some time at DMV again. Okay, so I did a lot of Ho'Oponopono mantras as well. And was prepared with my headphones to listen to an Audible book. Turns out it only took 3 1/2 hours to finally get California tags and parking permit. Amazing, since the last visit was 8 1/2 hours and didn't get it done. It wasn't that bad after all today. And, I started work at a new location last week and it is exactly what I was looking for. I am so very grateful. Very, very grateful. I now look forward to going to work, sharing my skills, my knowledge, to help people in the ways that I can, in a most beautiful setting. It makes me appreciate the city that much more, too. My work has always been an important part of my living experience and means a lot to me. I want to work hard enough, but not to the point where I don't like what I do. And so I am doing just that now. Am hoping I can stay busy at this new, beautiful, well-being environment. Meanwhile, though, the long-ago friend who has recently been in contact has caused me to look back to just over 9 years ago. When I looked at some of the pictures from that time, I succumbed to deep, painful tears that completely surprised me. Why such reaction??? I then scoured my computer for previous messages between us, and it came back loud and clear. My heart was fully and completely engaged with this person but it was mostly one-sided, and he did not feel the same. After several months, it was apparent and after a bit of off and on, we went our separate ways, and I do remember how painful that was to me for a long time. I thought I had gotten over it, as I did moved on, but when I reacted to the pictures, I now realize I never did. Maybe I never will. I am sure many people have felt this with one or two people in their lives. I am sad knowing I have caused it in others. Karma? If so, it got me good. In dealing with this, I don't want to drag myself down. My belief is to keep my vibration at as high a level as possible so I can be helpful to others as well as myself. But I also have to accept this as a human experience. Not something to bury. So, I acknowledge that I still love this person very, very much and wish him the best of everything that makes him happy. Even if that does not include me. I am grateful for our communication of late, though, as it also is helping me to come to terms with my own feelings that were buried all these years, and to realize I am human, after all. It seems that whenever emotional issues arise, I depend on sound therapy, meditation, and Ho' Oponopono the most. And then there's politics. The government of late is a shambles. I think it's been a mess at various times through my life, but I guess I was living life without much concern for it before. I'm much more aware now. I don't like being more aware. Ignorance is bliss. It seems to be the worst it has ever been in my lifetime. Maybe I will have to stop looking at the news, even at the headlines. It does me no good as there isn't much I can do. It's out of my control. So, let it go. There are others who can and will take up that cause. I hope so because it's truly a mess right now. Back to a brighter note, I am so very happy for the big comfort of California tags on my car, a permanent parking permit, and a new place to work that is the best of the best. I am very, very, very grateful. And now for some wonderful guided meditations with sound therapy to keep my heart open and full of love and gratitude, helping me to be the little bit of healing energy for anyone in my presence or who reads my words, as such is my intention.
Monday, 7/9 - I've been listening on Audible to the book, A Course in Miracles Made Easy, Mastering the Journey from Fear to Love, by Alan Cohen. It's so much easier to comprehend, and the author is doing the speaking in a very nice, easy-going tone. A long-ago friend recently brought ACIM back to my attention, and of course, it's perfectly in alignment with all of my thoughts and beliefs. Work has been slow and I am grateful for the opportunity to start working at a new place soon that is going to be absolutely wonderful. I wished to work somewhere where I looked forward to going to work, enjoy it, and feel fulfilled upon returning home. This is the place. The two locations I've been working at have not been very busy, or have been intermittently busy and not enough to survive on. But I am grateful for them, as well, and will continue working in those locations until I can't keep up. At least one that is close by where I already have a couple clients I am fond of. I spent 8 1/2 hours at DMV trying to get California tags so I can purchase a permanent parking permit (Peter Pecked A Pickled Pepper....). And I still have to go back. Hopefully, I will only have to wait 4 or 5 hours next time. It is ridiculous. I will be sure to have a full charge on my phone and listen to an Audible book. I am surprised that in this city where tech businesses are some of the best in the world would have a backwards DMV office. The fact that all this is even necessary just to park a car is ridiculous, as well. Such is life in the city. I've been listening to a lot of meditations lately. Reinforcing the good in my mind/spirit and helping me cope with such things as DMV. So, basically, I'm looking forward to more work in a new, beautiful setting, and saving some money for later travels. There are many things on my mind, many things to consider, reflect upon, come to terms with within. I don't necessarily like to look backwards, but sometimes it's needed in order to move forward. What have I learned in these many years? What can I improve on? How can I be the best that I can be?
Thursday, 7/5/18 - Survived a pretty intense (for me) hike to Sierra Butte Lookout over the weekend. I think the altitude was more of a problem than the steepness. Well, both. It was about 8600 feet at the top, and we started about 2 1/2 miles below. Took 2 hours to get to the top. I had to stop a lot to catch my breath and let the heart slow down. It was about ready to jump out of my chest! But I did it! And the view was stunning! Then a few days at Lake Tahoe and area. So beautiful there, too! But was too busy for the beaches, and I was so very much looking forward to just sitting on a beach there. We did other things, and a lot of driving around, visited Virginia City, Nevada, as well, enjoyed a hot springs, and so on. So, was a very, very, very nice trip out of the city for several days. I needed that. Yesterday was 4th of July, and I'm not really into all the fireworks. Am sad for the noise and how it scares so many pets and birds and wildlife in general. It seems like too much of a "violent" type of celebration with loud booms. Yes, they are pretty, but at what expense? I went out of town again with a friend, walked along some tide pools and a sea lion nursery area, a hike along an ocean cliff, dinner at a harbor restaurant, coffee elsewhere, and back home again. Was an extremely nice day with lots of conversation and pictures and enjoyment of the beautiful weather as it turned out to be pretty darn nice right at the ocean.
I am grateful for the friends I've made through the years and our communications. So much love for friends and family. It's a good way to feel inside. I appreciate so much, and wonder sometimes what do people "see" in me, and is it who I am on the inside.... As everyone, there is a lot of mind chatter on the inside as we go about our activities. I see the beauty of my surroundings and the kindness and friendliness of people all around me all the time. There have been times when someone with me later said, "that lady (or man) wasn't very nice, was kind of rude," and I wonder what they saw, because I don't seem to see that. Well, maybe the person was a bit stressed, or I sensed didn't really want to be doing what they were doing, but not really mean or rude or anything. So, my perspective seems to be different than others, and this has happened more than once. I am extremely grateful that I don't "see" rudeness or meanness so much. Okay, I saw two people arguing on a street corner once, and yes, I saw the anger. So, it's not like I can't see at all. But people are always slowing down or stopping to let me pass or turn or whatever, and rarely cut in or cut me off when driving or walking. Occasionally, but so what..... just pay attention and don't make a big deal out of it.
Upon returning to the city, I had an extremely busy work day which I was grateful for since I had missed the day before, and the week before was pretty much non-existent to the point I had to look for another place to work. I think I found a perfect match for work environment that is much more in line with who I am. Hoping it's in the works, and looking forward to it all coming together nicely.
Tuesday, 6/26 - Well, I made it to 60. And I still feel like I'm 35. I had a cold last week and thought that this is not the way to celebrate my 60th, but then it was gone almost as quickly as it appeared, and all was well. It even warmed up to a surprising 81 on my birthday here in the city. Then back to the 50's/60's right after. I would like to think I manifested it. Haha... That's some powerful thinking, and I don't mind at all. In fact, I've been doing a lot of meditating and focusing of late. Manifesting the life that matches my wishes and desires, and my ability to help others enjoy their lives, as well. Making the world a better place. I can do this.
Monday, 6/11 - Will it please warm up here in San Francisco? I heard it gets unbearable for a day or two or three later in the year, but it's almost the middle of June and barely gets into the 60's if lucky! I miss Florida!!!! But then there's not enough year 'round business in Florida to make a living. I am not quite as busy as I wish here in San Francisco, but it's only been a few months. I am NOT a city person. But it's always been something I wanted to do - live in a city. At least for the experience. Seems I want to do everything in my lifetime! Now approaching 60 yrs old and not sure what to do next. I'm so sad to hear of the recent celebrities that ended their lives early. Sad that people who have so much they can do, and the resources and friends and family, yet, are in such personal emotional/mental pain. I wish they could figure out what is not in balance in their mind/bodies and work towards correcting the imbalances to be able to enjoy their time here in the physical being. I know I have my down moments, and then I try to figure out what's out of balance. Usually, if I take magnesium, eat healthy, more balanced foods, take taurine, and some basic supplements that maybe are not quite enough in the foods I'm eating, get some exercise, some sunshine, listen to sound therapy music, sit in stillness (sometimes hard if your body nutrients are out of whack), do some reflexology on my own feet, stretch into some yoga poses, read/listen to motivational speakers, watch cute/funny kitten and puppy videos, think of all the things I'm grateful for, then somewhere within those activities, my mind/body becomes more balanced, and I feel so much better. There are lots of tools in my toolbox of life. I'm adding some more: tapping (Nick Ortner) and Energy Healing tips of Diane Eden. I came across her book in the most unusual way maybe 15 or so years ago, lost the videos I had purchased, but always held onto the book. Now, starting to review it again and watching what videos I can find on her teachings. The tapping is easy also, but takes some time (at least for me) to get the dialog right. So, there's lots besides just massage and reflexology to keep the mind/body in shape. I am so grateful for my skills, although I'm a sort of jack/jill of all trades and a master of none, I at least know a fair amount of lots of things to apply to my own life and to share with others in my capacity as a massage therapist/reflexologist and human being. Different things work for different people and at different times. Having a set of tools in the toolbox to try here and there and in various circumstances can possibly be the difference between life and death for some people. Meanwhile, I will be grateful for this city experience, and look forward to new adventures. I did have a wonderful time at the Novato Art & Music Festival this past weekend and it was a very nice town I would probably be happy living in.... so there's still hope here in California. I just need to make a better income somehow. Massage/Reflexology income is not nearly enough for California living expenses. Will see what the future brings.....
Monday, 5/21 - Is so very nice to be visiting Ventura where I used to live. I love my previous housemates and the pets that I missed so much. It was going to be a workshop where I could share some of my reflexology knowledge, but the workshop didn't happen due to other activities and lack of time needed, so it has been a most wonderful little vacation for us, reconnecting since it's really been so very long - 5 months away prior to my move to San Francisco, and 4 months since then. Time is going by so very fast!!! It's a few degrees warmer here, but still not quite warm enough. I had hoped, but will have to come back in a month or two, for warmer weather. The "June gloom" as they call it here in Ventura is already happening. I have to get out of the city from time to time. I realize it's not the place for me permanently, as it's tooooooooooo busy and, although there is a fair amount of nature within the city limits, it's nowhere near enough for my soul. And the beach is not the warm, sunny beach that my body needs, and not a festive vacation beach as it was in New Jersey. I've been conditioned with life experiences, and to reprogram myself would be too much of a change at this point in my life. But, I am still enjoying city life to a certain extent and so very grateful for the opportunity to live there as it's something I've always wanted to do. I am also very grateful to be single and not at all in any sort of "relationship" at this time. What a freeing feeling for now. Someday, I might just meet someone I really do want to share my time with, but that hasn't happened. My recent dating experience when I first moved to San Francisco was not at all what I thought it was. It took several weeks for me to realize the underlying agenda that was not in my best interests or growth. I had a feeling of objection and resistance that it was not a person for me to be around, and I should have had more respect for that feeling. I tend to keep thinking that it is I who needs to learn to accept people and downplay my gut feelings. Moving forward, I will appreciate nice conversation and friendships, but nothing more unless a deeper foundation is formed first and a mutual attraction is felt. Maybe someday. Living and learning still.
Work was great for awhile, then I seemed to need a bit of rest, but my budget needed more work. I would like to find a way to create passive income so I don't have to devote so much time to massage and reflexology. There is only so much I can do physically, and it's not quite enough for the ridiculous living expenses in San Francisco. Will be hopeful some form of income will show itself that does not require so much time and effort.
In astrology, Uranus has just changed signs and I believe this is going to create a lot of change in my and everyone's lives in some ways. More dramatic changes to come. It seems where it was placed for the past 10 years was a difficult position for my career/income, and now with this change, it is going to be more of a nice flow, an easier position, for socializing and changes in friends and relationships. That would be wonderful, because the last 10 years was tough relationship-wise, although I am grateful for most everyone I met in the dating world. Such wonderful people. Not quite the connections I wanted, or if I wanted, they did not, but pretty darn close.
So, for now, I will continue to go with the flow. As always. With kindness and caring in everything I do, allowing life to unfold for my highest good, for best health, happiness, successes in all areas, and enjoyment of life.
I also might close out my website. I'm not in Bonita Springs anymore and not sure if I will return. Even if I do, my life would probably be different. Of course, I could change the name and web address, but I'm not too savvy with things like that and not sure if I should. Maybe it's time to move on from this, as well. Giving it some more thought before I do, but it has crossed my mind.
Tuesday, 5/1 - The beginning of May! But still only 60 degrees!!! Please warm up, just a little??? San Francisco is definitely a different environment in many ways. I think this is the ultimate in my ability to adapt. I always wanted to see what it would be like to live in a city. So, I manifested this. Looking forward to meeting some new people, expanding my social experiences. Not sure what's next in my life. But I know it will be good.
Wed., 4/25/18- Work is somewhat busy and some social outings of walks and hikes and get-togethers are in my near future as well, so I have new experiences to look forward to, and also a trip back to Ventura later in May to teach some reflexology. Warmer weather south of here will be welcomed! Still too cold for me here in San Francisco.
People are much healthier here. I notice in my massage practice most everyone has good, strong legs, knees and hips. Not like in Florida. People walk a LOT more here, and with the elevation of steep city streets, it's a great workout. I already see a difference in myself. Took awhile to build up the leg strength, and I am still getting stronger, but where at first my legs were sore from the walking, now they are fine, but my lungs could use a bit more endurance. Even that, though, is improving, as I don't huff and puff nearly as much. AND..... I have lost 12 lbs in 3 months (much of what was gained over Christmas). Good healthy eating, exercise, and enjoying life, even with its occasional ups and downs. I find myself very much at peace within my center being, strong within my core, accepting of who I am, even though I'm still learning about my own likes and dislikes.
My passion for learning continues, and I have recently learned how important selenium is for our bodies. It has the ability to cut way down on the incidences of prostate cancer and colorectal cancer, among several other benefits. But it should mainly be in the diet, not via supplements. Foods with selenium are Brazil nuts and it only takes a few per day to get the basic amount; with limited amounts in yellowfin tuna, halibut, sardines (yuck), grass-fed beef, turkey, chicken, egg, spinach (only 16% of bare minimum). While I say supplements are not the best source, I do, though, sometimes take drops of 'trace minerals' which includes selenium, in water (tastes awful, but you don't need much), and it can help with joint aches and pains, neck pain, as well. So, best in food sources, 2nd best in liquid trace minerals form, and then last via supplements. That is my most important latest finding in my continued quest for learning how to maintain good health. I will continue, as always, to research nutrition for mind/body health.
Wednesday, 3/14/18 - It's been awhile since my last update and I'm getting more familiar with this new area. As I felt calm and relaxed about life, except for the traffic and parking, life started to fall into place very nicely. I found work easily, at two locations, one is not busy but is close so I want to stay connected there. The other place is busier, but is a mile away, which is nothing really, as people are used to commuting much further here. I live the law of attraction or whatever you wish to call it, and I am proof it works, although I'm still learning to apply it to my life. Everything we do, every breath we take, it's the thought, feeling and intention. If you get mad at something, you're creating more of that in your life. If you can maintain a sense of joy and love and compassion towards everything, and tell yourself it's EASY, then you create more of that in your life. I am one soul, one entity, one energy among the many that make up everything. If I can maintain my light within myself, then that not only helps my own experience here, but also spreads outward and helps the whole of everything. If more people could understand that, as some do, as many do, the world we live in and the experiences we have can improve. Be careful what you think. Be careful of the words you speak. Be careful of the way you feel. I mean be careful in that you keep them at least peaceful, and grow them from there, to BE joyful, loving, compassionate. Don't fight AGAINST something, but rather, work and play TOWARDS the solution. I came across a youtube video that I enjoyed very much explaining these things in better ways than I can. I will post it in Links of Interest, as well. Here it is:
Tuesday, 1/30/18 - Looking back, I have packed so much into the past 18 months. And then even an incredible amount in the last month! After the holidays in New Jersey with family, back to Florida for a couple weeks, then back to NJ for my mother's 87th birthday, then back to Florida again, fit in some great visits with friends, then packed up for the major destination - San Francisco. A complete culture change. City life. Hills. Traffic. Did I say traffic????? TRAFFIC!!! This is going to take some getting used to. I don't usually get stressed, but I admit I was a bit when the parking situation arose. Getting a parking permit is stressful and expensive. One day of moving my car every two hours was not a pleasant experience. Even dropping off (no parking places) my friend to go in and get the parking permit, then coming back to pick him up was slightly stressful. TRAFFIC!!!! I am sure as I get to know the streets and also get to know the public transportation, it will be fine. But I do feel the learning curve. I'm hoping to find work nearby that fulfills my desire to help people enjoy life better. Massage and reflexology, healthy habits, and kindness. Always kindness.
Thursday, 1/4/18 - A blizzard! I'm in NJ right now and we got about a foot of snow, with some wind and plummeting temps in the next couple days. Florida bound after that to stay with friends and help with some health issues they have. More traveling after that, but not sure what my future will be. Am doing my best to stay positive with all of the opportunities in front of me. There are pro's and con's to everything. My standards of behavior and values is quite strict for the people I want to share my personal life with. That sounds snooty. I wish to be surrounded by like-minded people who are kind and honest and open and welcoming. I have been in the presence of just the opposite lately, which is a reflection of my own strict beliefs, but some have been absolutely wonderful, which is a reflection of other parts of me. So, what do I do and where do I go? I won't do what I don't want to do and others have been trying to manipulate my actions to their own agendas. I want only to have opportunities that are conducive to my happiness and wellbeing, in a way that allows me to share that with others. Wording things just right and applying the feelings toward those words is sometimes a challenge as I'm not sure what I want. Hmmmm.... work and play in a good way. I have had a wonderful couple of weeks and even though my flight was cancelled, it has allowed me to enjoy this beautiful snow and a few more days with family. It's all good, really. I am truly blessed......
Monday, 12/25/17 - Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Peace and lovingkindness for all. I am done with the 2 month wellness assignment for an old friend. He is now walking and more clear-headed, with better short-term memory and other confusion issues have been for the most part resolved. At almost 80 yrs old and a very unhealthy life, this is good news. I am hopeful he will continue with diet/supplements and exercise to maintain newfound wellness. What is my next adventure? A young friend who had alopecia and depression issues who fully recovered in the past year has suggested we get together to document all the steps we took to help him. All the supplements and other aids that benefitted him and brought him back. This would be a good project as it could help so many people. Meanwhile, I am going to enjoy the holiday season with family and friends before deciding on the next adventure.
Thursday, 12/21/17 - A few more days in Florida and then Christmas with family. Then? Still up in the air. In the past two months, I have helped my friend/client to be able to walk again and be more clear-headed with memory and daily life functions. What a transformation. Diet, nutrition and exercise (nowhere near how much I tried to motivate, yet he improved dramatically, nonetheless) all played a part in amazing progress. There is so much people don't know, and even though I don't have all the letters after my name, I have learned so much in my informal research through the past 40 years. My quest for understanding began when I was only 19 years old and wishing to be healthier after a couple bouts of pneumonia and other health issues. I am so grateful to be healthier now at 59 than I was at 20 years old. We can live full, productive, enjoyable lives when we take care of the vehicle in which we carry ourselves around. Will be nice getting back to massage practice, though, whether it be in Florida after Christmas holidays, or in San Francisco, or back to Ventura, California. Grateful for all the possibilities.
Thursday, 12/14/17 - The fires continue in California. People are wearing masks because of the dangerous air quality. I sent my friends some herbs to help cleanse the lungs. I don't want to return there just yet. My plans are still to enjoy Christmas with my family, and new wonderful developments possibly for returning to Florida. Could now be the right time? I am in awe of how the Universe works. Thank you for these paths... My heart is full.
Monday, 12/11 - When different peoples' goals are the same or similar, life flows nicely. However, when one or the other changes their goals, that's when clashes occur and the manifestation process causes different paths for each. It's important for people to talk about their goals and stay on track, or discuss differences to see if they can manifest together or go in different directions. In my case, we manifested a similar goal of creating an environment conducive to better health and well-being. However, as my intention is to stay on track, my client's intention is not. He is very much improved and walking so much better, more clear-headed, and is able to live independently, even though he doesn't wish to. However, I must make an income, and so it's time to move on. Meanwhile, my friends in Ventura, California had to evacuate the house and move my car as the fires were so close. Many people lost homes, but we were lucky. It continues out there, with the fires moving north. The air quality and devastation are taking a toll on people. I will be spending the holidays with my family up north and not sure of my plans after. Possibly returning to Florida for another endeavor, or possibly staying up north then heading back to California later in January, possibly heading up to San Francisco to stay with my daughter for awhile and work in that area. Life is giving me opportunities and I am grateful. I wondered why it felt like the right thing to do to come to Florida and work as a wellness coach for my friend for the two months. I wonder if someone in the other world is watching out for me somehow to prevent me from being in the midst of the fires. Is that possible? It has crossed my mind.
Wednesday, 11/15 - Working on keeping up... is not always easy to motivate someone who is 79 and in dire need of exercise to correct misalignments and lack of muscle and is always trying to take a coffee break or request a break when we haven't even started yet. An hour and a half at the gym and all I could get him to do was 20 minutes on the arm bike machine and 2 minutes each on a couple other machines. Seriously, that was the actual time exercising. Meanwhile, I did work up a sweat hitting every single machine. Healthy eating and some exercise at least has led to a very nice 103 blood sugar reading this morning for my friend with diabetes. And that's without all the meds. I got a spiralizer and made some delicious spiralized zucchini noodles with avocado lime sauce for lunch. Mahi and asparagus and sliced tomatoes for dinner. Last night's mint chocolate chip ice cream with spinach was delicious, too! But skipped dessert tonight. We can do this... we can do this... we can do this....
Thursday, 11/9/17 - Joined the gym, is so easy to lose the weight and tone when I exercise every day. A couple days were filled with doctor visits for my friend, with one trip including a shopping trip to Whole Foods and Costco in Sarasota. I'm settling in well enough, and is good to see improvements in Terry's health, as well. His blood sugar/pressure/cholesterol all were improved and perfect as the doctor stated. He thinks Terry is taking 3 blood sugar meds, but he is only taking one, and the rest is done with his improved diet and supplements. But the doctor's response when I tried to ask questions about some of the meds was, "because I said so.... Don't piss me off." Well, well..... if that's the game he wants to play, then, for Terry's sake, I'll have to play along. So long as improvements are made and numbers stay positive, this is how it's going to be. I'm feeling strangely calm and relaxed through this transition. I am enjoying most of it, but not enjoying the news on the TV which is too much for me. I will start to relocate within the house when I need to get away from it. The exercise and diet have been fun and productive, and all along I'm doing a lot of research. I haven't gotten out and about too much so far, but it's only been 2 weeks. Got a haircut and color, not too happy about the color, and cut could have been thinned out more. But it's a start. Went for a manicure, but after they cut my cuticle and polished right over the blood, I decided to order my own toxin-free products and do my own. When it comes down to it, I really do like doing things for myself. Seems they get done better. I really didn't want to color and cut my hair, though. Okay, off to the gym......
Thursday, November 2, 2017 - Yes, life has taken a different path. I'm back in Florida, but taking time off of massage and reflexology to help a friend with health issues. Using my knowledge of nutrition, nutrients, massage and reflexology to improve overall health and wellbeing. I very much appreciate this opportunity, although it is a complete change of address and activities, but is what I wanted and want to do. I am so grateful.
Thursday, October 12, 2017 - I feel like I'm in the future. Time has passed so quickly the last 10 years. Yet, I've filled it with so many experiences, so many major changes in my life, places I've visited, lived, relationships, jobs. I am so thankful for the amazing life I have. Major changes yet again ahead. I may be closing my websites. It might be time for something new.